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Unnecessary Conflict - Part 1

1 Chronicles 19v1-8

6th November 2008

This week's story is from 1 Chronicles 19 but you can also find it in 2 Samuel 10.

1 Chronicles 19v1-2a
In the course of time, Nahash king of the Ammonites died, and his son succeeded him as king.
David thought, "I will show kindness to Hanun son of Nahash, because his father showed kindness to me." So David sent a delegation to express his sympathy to Hanun concerning his father.

We never know what consequences our actions will have. David intended to express his sympathy for a neighbouring king whose father had just died. Perhaps he hoped to improve relations between their countries, or perhaps he merely wanted to show kindness to his neighbour. But what we intend and what people perceive can be very different.

1 Chronicles 19v2b-4
When David's men came to Hanun in the land of the Ammonites to express sympathy to him, the Ammonite nobles said to Hanun, "Do you think David is honouring your father by sending men to you to express sympathy? Haven't his men come to you to explore and spy out the country and overthrow it?"
So Hanun seized David's men, shaved them, cut off their garments in the middle at the buttocks, and sent them away.

The Ammonites were afraid that David intended to take their land. Even when our neighbours, or Christian brothers, mean well towards us (which, sadly, is not all the time) our insecurity and our lack of faith in God can cause us to ascribe bad motives to them.

And sometimes, we don't just feel negative towards those who reach out to us, we behave aggressively, and disproportionately, and unwisely. Our insecurity can cause us to do things that make our own situation much worse.

If the Ammonites had been right (which they weren't) and David had intended them harm, then insulting his delegates would only raise the stakes - make a bad situation worse. And our insecurity can cause us to lash out, verbally or otherwise, at those that we perceive as a threat, and make things worse.

Have you ever felt threatened by someone else in the church, or in your family, or at work? And have you lashed out at them? And how is that relationship now?

1 Chronicles 19v5
When someone came and told David about the men, he sent messengers to meet them, for they were greatly humiliated. The king said, "Stay at Jericho till your beards have grown, and then come back."

These men were humiliated through no fault of their own, as is so often the case. David shows great wisdom; He was compassionate towards those who'd been humiliated. And we should do the same. We should always seek to minimise other people's embarrassment. And he chose not to punish those who had insulted him and his men. This virtue of forbearance is of great benefit, in the church and in the world.

1 Chronicles 19v6-8
When the Ammonites realised that they had become an offence to David's nostrils, Hanun and the Ammonites sent a thousand talents of silver to hire chariots and charioteers from Aram Naharaim, Aram Maacah and Zobah. They hired thirty-two thousand chariots and charioteers, as well as the king of Maacah with his troops, who came and camped near Medeba, while the Ammonites were mustered from their towns and moved out for battle.
On hearing this, David sent Joab out with the entire army of fighting men.

When the Ammonites realised how stupid they'd been, they could have gone to David and asked for forgiveness. They could have explained why they acted as they did. They could have suggested that the two kingdoms go back to sharing a good relationship. But instead they raised the stakes again.

And this time, David realised that things had go to the point where he needed to do something about the situation. He sent out the entire Israelite army to deal with the threat that the Ammonites had chosen to become.

David didn't want this situation, and the Ammonites didn't want it either. Their insecurity had made them aggressive, and their refusal to back down had turned an act of kindness into war.

And, if we're not careful, we can turn a misunderstanding into mistrust, into antagonism. And we can break a relationship for years, to our own cost.